Ichi's military life
by joker444
Summary: oh, what a wonderful day, thu sun shines and everything is peaceful... or not. but really who can blame him for being so dillusional. Poor hat n clogs T T. might have yaoi. first story, be nice...ok?
1. Chapter 1

It was a fairly normal day; the sun crept into the sky, crimson light sneaked through the curtains and between closed eyelids. The body lying on the soft bed groaned and turned, burying his soft features into his pillow. Honey coloured eyes fluttered open, his long eyelashes stuck together with sleep slowly separated, revealing eyes specked with gold. He sat up and yawned, hands brought up to rub his eyes while his back arched, much like a cat, stretching.

His soft orange locks fell over his hazel eyes as he dragged himself out of bed; he slowly made his way down the stairs and to the kitchen where he groggily sat down. The smell of freshly cooked bacon drifted through the door as his 'mother' came through followed by the sight of his breakfast. She placed the scrumptious meal down and he dug in.

Halfway through his meal his 'father' sat down and complimented the purple haired women which was his wife. The blond man sat down and pulled out a fan, observing his 'son' as he ate, while talking about the family business with his 'wife'.

As his son finished eating, he closed his fan and hid it in his chocolate coloured sleeve. As his 'son' stood up gracefully like a cat, he called out, "remember to wear your new uniform. " His 'son' turned around and said with eyes sparkling with glee and said in a voice sweet as candy "I know, I cannot wait"

*crash*

Well at least that was how Kisuke, the blond man thought it went but he had quite an imagination and reality said to differ.

Now, shall we rewind back a little and, this time, face reality?

So, it was a fairly normal day; the sun crept into the sky, etc, well, frankly you already know that so shall we fast forward to where it actually counts.

The body lying on the soft bed groaned and turned, burying his soft features into his pillow. Now this is where the story differs. As he turned over covering his head with a pillow trying to block out the oncoming sun, footsteps so silent that it where impossible to hear, snuck up on the sleepy figure and, gently so that the sleeping figure wouldn't notice the indents on the bed, crawled on top of the orange haired beauty. Her long purple hair touching the brim of the fiery red hairs nose. The orange haired boy, as that was what he was, a child no older then 15, tried to swat away the offending piece of hair, after he failed to after the first time, he swatted harder and harder, until he was practically slapping the innocence piece 9f hair which soon fell back into place, but with even more vigour then before.

When he realised that he wasn't getting anywhere ne slowly opened his eye. Now what would you do if you came face to face with the chest of a naked purple haired beauty with cat like features and golden eyes. Well for the eccentric orange haired male, his reaction was amusing to say the least.

At first his eyes grew to the size of boulders as he took in the sight in front, then, almost simultaneous, a dark skinned faced formed into a smirk and bronze skinned turned into a rich strawberry flush.

"Fuck" screamed the orange head while shoving the purple haired beauty of him onto the floor in which she landed gracefully like a cat. Once again Yoruichi has managed to taint his not so innocent mind. Yoruichi's golden eyes shimmered in amusement. She put her hand over her mouth trying to hold in her laughter, but small snickers still managed to escape. This only seemed toad fuel to the fire, so. Instead of saving his last pieces of pride and dignity he managed to gather throughout the incident, it made his short fuse of a temper snap, resulting in him abruptly jumping out of bed, tripping over his duvet and falling face first onto the old wooden floor.

The result of this was a crack and a head full of orange, sun blessed lock stuck looking down into the room below and a rip in his boxers. This time the woman dubbed Yoruichi was unable to hold in her spontaneous laughter which filled the room with the sound of bells. The last of the sexy red heads pride was blow to smithereens.

Now fully woken up, he slowly, predatory stood up. The calm stillness which overtook him was a dangerous one, and one which would normally end with a bloody corps. Yoruichi, recognizing the strange behaviour which overtook the redhead froze, and took 2 steady steps back before sprinting out of there. If there was anything that she was exceptionally good at, would be her speed, dubbing her sonnaido goddess. Shunpo was the style of running she used, now why would dub a style of running, I mean everyone can run, but this particular style of running could only be done by only a certain group of people. Wrong physique, height, weight or the rest of it could, no, would end you up in hospital.

As Yoruichi made her quick escape the sun coloured haired man face formed into a smirk, then, laughter as sweet as sugar but with a malevolence undertone to it.

The sun kissed teenager slowly made his way to his wardrobe. The wardrobe was a deep burgundy with a flora sign climbing up the edge of it. It had a silver template with scratches, which looked like they were made from a blade, etched into the wood in a shape of a crescent moon with blood splattered into it dyeing it into a crimson moon.

He grabbed the iron plated handle and opened the door. While he was opening the door it made a long dreary creak. But the sound wasn't what made the smirk from his face drop and form the usual frown. Inside where his clothes, well at least the charred remains of them.

It seemed that overnight, someone had set a flamethrower loose and replaced his entire wardrobe with dresses, skirts, etc.

"Kisukeee!" could be heard miles away in the centre of civilization.

Stomps and crashes were heard, until the unsteady steps finally reached the innocent looking door. The bloodthirsty teen glared at it reproachfully, as if debating something, but before he could think over his actions, the door opened revealing the smiling face of a man, before, in a snap, he opened a fan hiding all of his face other then the shockingly sharp, green eyes of one Urahara Kisuke.

"ahh~ichigo, dear, how lovely it is that you have granted us with your presence" sang the ever smiling, mad scientist, urahara.

"_**fuck you, you asshole**_, how many times have _I _told you _**I'm a guy**_ until you get it into your thick head.

"ahh ~ but Ichigo I already know that" replied the ever smiley, sexy, older man.

"Then why, tell me why, is my wardrobe filled of dresses" he shouted while chucking down a skirt he picked up in his haste.

"ahh ~ but Ichigo, that's a skirt" replied Urahara

"That's not the problem here...damn it. Why the fuck are they there in the first placed "screamed Ichigo.

"ahh ~ but Ichigo, we only gave you what we thought suited you"

Deny as he might, it was inevitably true. With his long legs and curvy figure which would put a girl to shame, he was unavoidability effeminate.

"you...you...p..poop face" he yelled with his mind unable to manage a simple insult just because his mind was clouded over with embarrassment .

"ohh, yes, Ichigo, before I forget, please wear this." he said, shoving a black and white pleated miniskirt with a big, black belt, a Christine white polo shirt and a cullet coloured ribbon into his arms.

"why" Ichigo asked through gritted teeth while clenching his fists so hard that the tanned skin on his knuckles turned white and blood started to drip down his hands. The world of embarrassment he was previously living in was slowly but surely fading away, his pride wasn't that easy to shatter, although his fairly quick recovery could of been because similar occurrences have happened for the past 2 weeks.

"whhyy~ you ask, well obviously it is because today you are (supposedly ) transferring to hueco mundo military high" he sang in that whiny voice of his, "or have you forgotten already" he gasped, "and it was only yesterday I told you, to" he said in an exasperated voice.

Kisuke stood there waiting...and waiting, but the response never came. Instead there where muffled footsteps leading to the front door and silent curses of "damn rich freaks" and "spoilt brats".

"Ichigo, I don't really care if you publicly humiliate yourself by walking around with a split in your pants, after its more fun for me. But the so called 'spoilt brats' of yours will look down on you even more if they sneak a peak at your strawberry boxers through a rip on the backside, ne, berry-tan" chuckled Yoruichi.

"Fuck you, I aint going to a bloody army school full of snot nosed snobs " replied Ichigo, "an...and...shut up, I knew that" he shouted while turning around with a strawberry flush sitting on his cheeks. The distraction caused poor Ichigo to let his guard down, meaning that the purple haired goddess managed to sneak up behind him.

"ichigooo" she said while glomping the back of him.

"get the f...uc.k...of...m..e" he said before sliding down to the floor. Yoruichi carefully stood over him putting the hidden needle back into its place.

"thank you Yoruichi" sang Urahara.

Ichigo drearily opened his eyes. His head was laying on something soft and fairly comfy. He groaned. It was a low groan which echoed throughout the car. 'Wait...car... he opened his eyes slowly, his heavy eyelids protesting the motion.

He met Yoruichi's golden eyes and then everything seemed to click into place. He sat up and looked out the window.

"Fuuucccckkk" was heard throughout the state of hueco mundo high, before, once again he fell into to a deep sleep.

~o~

please read and review...make my day...or burn in the insoferble heat of hell...also, i do not own blewacxh otherwise there will b alot of demojs and yaoi in it...k...so reviiieeeewwwww


	2. Chapter 2

Ichigo blearily opened his eyes, muscles tense and ready to kill. He could not believe that hat n clogs had got him... again.

He hesitantly sat up, ears searching for even the smallest sound, and looked around. He was in a room furnished white. With no signs of danger he observed the room in more detail. It was a fairly large room, with window on the wall opposite him; through the windows he saw blue and black dancing together, painting the glowing sky into a mix of colours, the crimson glow of the sunset leaving the earth for another day. The sky held pale stars which reflected in the pond outside the window, painting the murky waters gold.

He took notice of the pillowfied walls instead of the usual stone and the fact that other then the windows the only exit was a heavy metal door. The room was too easy to easy to escape from so something must be up. In fact, why did they have such a room in a school in the first place was what was going through Ichigo's head. But, something still wasn't right, it was too easy, he looked to the ground to see if there were any traps; Ichigo wouldn't put it past hat n clogs.

When finding nothing he laid back down and stared at the ceiling in deep thought, until he felt a numb achiness in his arms. He looked down and it all finally clicked into place.

Wrapped around his sleek body and binding his arms around his body was a straightjacket...a pink straightjacket. In his moment of pure revulsion he failed to hear the slow creak of the heavy metal door being opened by a tanned hand.

Cerulean eyes examined the strawberry sitting on the floor. He had soft orange hair which stuck up at any and all angles, weird, but it's not like he was one to talk with baby blue hair. He was skinny and had a gorgeous figure, rather feminine, but built with muscle. He had a sharp jaw and fairly large eyes. His gorgeous sun kissed locks fell down to brush across his shoulder blades (I know, longer then usual right?) complementing his tanned skin which was held tight over his muscles.

"Hey. Are you going to stare at me all day or what?" he drawled out in a voice so sexy he could make gods melt at his fingertips with a single word. Just thinking about what that voice would sound like, withering under him in pure ecstasy moaning ou-

"What? Are you deaf as well as an idiot?" The orangette exclaimed.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY? _DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM," _growled out the blue haired angel.

"hmmn, is this little conversation too much for your poor brain cells to handle. Well, to answer your question, frankly speaking, no. I mean, why would I be speaking to an ass wipe like you if I did?" He answered with just as much vigour and a smirk lying on his angelic features.

"Why...whyy you. I'm the king and no one, and I mean no one, is going to speak to me like that." He screamed.

"Jeez man, call your head," Ichigo said, looking the blue haired male up and down, "actually why don't you cool both of them" he said smirking at the barley visible bulge right where the others crotch should be, "fat" Ichigo stated, examining the other one closely.

He had blue eyes the colour of the sky on a clear day, and hair to match it. His blue hair was jelled up with two green-blue tattoos under his eyes. He was muscular and taller then Ichigo by at least an inch.

He was the complete opposite of the statement, ahh, but the fun of getting on the man's nerves.

"why you little ginge-" he started to say but was soon cut off by a hyped up blond man wearing his innocent grin, wellll, Okay, maybe not so innocent but, anyway, as I was saying( actually, more or less writing) cut off by a blond haired bunny high on sugar.

"Now, now, Ichigo~ be nice" sang the ever cheery Urahara, "there's no point stating out what we already knew"

"Kisuke," sang Ichigo in a sickening sweet voice, "do you mind telling me why I'm in a straightjacket and found myself, alone, in a room with an idiotic blueberry, ne, Urahara-san?"

Kisuke's grin dropped, and he started to slowly back out of the room, he drew out his fan, you could see each twitch of his fingers as he waited for the end.

"I'm in trouble, aren't I?" he said.

Ichigo took a step forward whenever Kisuke took step back, a dark cloud hanging over his head. There was the sound of rustling as his straightjacket fell to the floor, then a clang when a knife was embedded into the wall right next to his head, a smirk adorning Ichigo's saintly face, yet again.

"Well, I think that answers your question" he stated in an impassive voice, fringe covering his eyes where a golden gleam could be seen only recognizable to those who knew him well.

He suddenly lifted his head up, a hardly noticeable gold hint to his hazel eyes. Urahara, recognizing the growing hint of gold turned tail and ran, leaving a very confused blueberry behind.

"Well, that was certainly, I must say. I never thought that that man would ever run from anyone. You must certainly be something; after all I cannot even pressure the man without keeping my sanity intact" stated a deep voice.


End file.
